Thursday 31 October 2019

What If Dogs Formed A Football Team?

Great people have had their great thoughts whilst lounging under an apple tree, bathing in a tub of water, even whilst sat on the toilet. Now I’m not saying that I’m a great man (I’m more of a toilet), but whilst I was going about my business the other day, I saw a dog chasing around a plastic bag.

Aside from worrying about the impact that another helping of single-use plastic would have on the environment, I was impressed by how quickly the dog chased down the bag and brought it under its control. Imagine that dog playing in midfield, I thought.

Then another thought popped into my head – imagine a FOOTBALL TEAM of dogs. Dogs with their individuals strengths and abilities, creating the best football team that ever lived. So I did.

This blog will detail the team of dogs that I have created – not only will this help football fans who don’t understand dogs, to understand dogs, it will also help dog fans to understand football a bit better too.

It’s the article that you didn’t know you needed, but truly deserve. Or something along those lines.

A Dog XI

(Formation: 4-2-3-1) 

1. Great Dane

Big, a Great Dane can keep a lot out with those massive paws.

2. Husky 


 A Husky has got great stamina. Can bomb down that touchline, providing options and is able to press the opposition all day-long. 

3. Spaniel 


A Spaniel has got a good engine, has the physique to withstand pressure, has good left foots too to swing a ball in from deep. 

5. Dalmatian

A Dalmatian is long and elegant, can bring the ball out with relative ease and confidence, whilst having the height to contest high balls. 

6. Bulldog 


A Bulldog is tough and rough, provides muscle against opposition forwards. The lack of height is made up by the strength on the ground. We need a well-matched centre-back partnershipA Dalmatian and Bulldog fit the bill. 

Central Midfielder
4. Yorkshire Terrier


A Yorkshire Terrier is nippy, can get involved in a scrappy tackle, pressing the opposition and not giving them a moments peace. 

Central Midfielder
8. Jack Russell 


Also nippy, a Jack Russell can get involved in a scrappy tackle, though slightly more energetic than his midfield partner-in-crime so can be employed in a box-to-box role. 

Attacking Midfielder Right
7. Greyhound


A Greyhound has lots of pace, can run down that touchline and whip in a cross or cut inside at speed, leaving the opposition full-back for dead. 

Attacking Midfielder Left
11. Whippet 


A Whippet has bags of pace, can terrorise the opposition defence all day, cutting inside and leaving space for Spaniel the left-back to operate in. 

Attacking Midfielder Centre
10. Border Collie


Playing the No10 role, A Border Collie is just the right size to be slippery, has a great low-centre-of-gravity too. Quick and clever, one can slip a pass through the opposition defence easily. 

Centre Forward
9. Labrador Cross (more specifically a Labradoodle)


A Labrador Cross is unpredictable and therefore will give the opposition defence a nightmare. Playing as a False Nine, one will link up well with the Greyhound and Whippet out wide, and the Border Collie behind. Can also drop back into the midfield to provide some defensive solidity if needs be too.

So that was my Dog XI. If you have any suggestions (such as alternative dogs for any of these positions, a name for the team or just want me to get a life), leave them in the comments below or Tweet me @pints_pies.


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